Thoughts on love

Random post, perhaps.

I may or may not have disclosed in any recent posts that the father of my children, almost ex-husband, is leaving in November for basic training. He joined the army, at age 35. There is a lot of history there and you can draw your own conclusions. You can also trust that there will be many sequential posts as we all adjust to this massive upheaval in our lives.

As you can imagine, the break up of our marriage was the first in the series of upheaval. My children have had to adjust to a lot of changes, thrown at them at break neck speed. He is living with a girlfriend. He is joining the army. The latter being the biggest deal of all.

Because of our history and because I care about him as the father of our two amazing boys, I don't want this post to come across as judgemental or critical. There is just a lot of change that comes along with his decision, and my job is to help my kids transition as painlessly as possible.

As a result, I have done some research on the military and am actually kind of fascinated. It is a realm of existence I am pretty much clueless about. And there is a lot to learn. It is its own culture, no question.

So in the way the universe lays things out for us, my soon to be ex told me on a Thursday in January what his plans were. There was a long application process and a lot of steps he had to take. I know of the ones he chose to share with me and I have no doubt there are countless others. He didn't get accepted until April if that sheds any light on the hoops he had to jump through. There was talk of waivers, physicals, explaining derogatory credit, psychology tests, and so forth.

Anyway, two days later, that following Saturday, I was approached by a guy at my favorite local Mexican restaurant/bar. He lingered behind his group that was leaving and asked my friend and I if he could buy us drinks. I'm pretty sure I posted about this previously but am far too lazy to read back blog posts.

The shortened version of the situation is it turned out this guy is in the Navy and has since shipped out. We communicated off and on until he left. He kept apologizing about the timing of things, but I didn't understand what was going on.

So, because of my interest in my first husband's (should I just reveal his name and get over using all these lengthy descriptions of my relationship to him??) new career choice, and this high quality guy I was privileged to meet and know briefly over a span of a couple of months, I was doing Internet research. My research found a lot of helpful information, like how to talk to children about coping with deployment. I also found countless blogs. The one I was drawn to and have been following is: http://www.thejourneyofanavywife.com/ .

It's interesting to read about drama amongst military wives and a lot of the things they experience. There's a whole language related to the military as well. So, for this Navy wife, her latest post mentioned her husband will be coming home after six months at sea. I can't even imagine how a homecoming like that must go - nervous feelings, wondering if things have changed, both of you experiencing things that you can't really explain or describe to your significant other.

And, I have to say, at the risk of glorifying something very difficult for people to experience, there is an element of sexiness and romance to the whole thing. There is something old fashioned and really, what is the word I'm looking for - maybe classic? about a man going off on a long journey to wage war, hunt for food, or whatever the purpose has been throughout history.

It's not about whether or not you agree with United States politics and global strategy. It's about a man or woman making a commitment to serve. And I think it's really admirable. I've always been one to tear up when I sing the national anthem, and I guess this all just adds to that sentiment. I can pick apart our country all day long, and believe me I have... but tonight, as a woman who can vote and enjoy a lot of freedom, my heart is filled with gratitude. We will always have and need a military, and we can be grateful that we do.

To that point, I also found this posted on more than one blog profile of Navy wives and girlfriends:
"I am in love with a United States sailor. I will support them in their defense of the Constitution of the United States of America. And I will understand that they must obey the orders of those appointed over them. I represent the true fighting spirit of the Navy. And those who have gone before me with strength and loyalty around the world. I proudly stand by the one I love with honor, courage and commitment. I am committed to my sailor and the United States Navy."
If that's not romantic and doesn't incite any type of fantasy or image of those long kisses on the docks by the sea, then we simply have to agree to disagree.

It's a story as old as time - the story of the Sirens, the mermaids, the men at sea- tattoos, pirates, anchors. I find it very intriguing.

It brings me back to the title of my post because all this reading about love made me think of my view of love. In so many ways I'm grateful for what I have experienced these past couple of years. My view of love has changed. I think the view I have now is more liberating and it helps me in my practice of balance and non attachment, relinquishing control, etc.

When I read the blog post about her husband coming home, my heart filled up with love because of their love. I think it's wonderful and heart touching to read of a young woman's deep love for her husband at sea, and her pride at who he is. She's unafraid to write about it. And I think that's beautiful. I guess I also felt grateful that I'm not bitter - when I read all her love filled words, I smiled. After reading her blog for the past couple of months, today I made a comment and told her I wish her and her husband the best homecoming and the best future. I wouldn't want anyone to experience the heartbreak that comes with losing love.

I believe love is a flame, yes I know I'm not the first to say this, but this is a first for me to view it this way. And the flame can burn for a really really long time. And it can burn for only a little while. But while it is burning, it's there and it's real. We can't predict or control how long it lasts. Few people make it to "forever", but there are some who keep it going for a lifetime... so at the very least, this is what we have:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_D17p0D-rks
It's "In My Life" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, beautifully sang - a reminder that it may not last forever, but the greatest part is being able to feel loved and be loved... until the next phase of life and love come along. Those we are with at any given moment are the right person for us at that time. It might be months, it might be years. And then we grow. We help each other along in our journey. The hardest part is letting go, but if we don't, we can't experience what's next for us - greater lessons and most likely greater love, provided we learned something from the one before.

So, congratulations to those are living it right now and have it in their grasp. Be willing to let it go if that day comes, and know that the universe is right there to take care of you until you find the next flame.

Also, a heartfelt thank you to all the people who sacrifice their time, lives, and convenience for our country.