Hey! It's my birth month! Happy December.
I thought I might post about winter weather and weight gain, but I have a far more pressing topic.
The past couple of years have been a monumental change for me, and I am still working through the layers.
I decided last week to check out the Events and Adventures group online. Sometimes I wonder if I have already written about certain things, but I'm too lazy to go back thru previous posts, so bear with me while I lay the ground work.
One of the things that people in a divorce or break up situation find is that their lives are sort of displaced. You had your routines, you had your groups of friends you did things with as couples, and the girls' night out was maybe once a month. You also did most things as a couple. Now all of a sudden, you have more free time than before. You also find that people have their lives in place, for the most part.
In my case, we did a lot of backpacking, hiking, camping, traveling as a couple and I loved it. We even kayaked the Apostle Islands twice.
Today, I'm totally lucky to have a pretty strong base of friends who are able to do things. But I really wanted to do a lot more camping than I did this past summer. And I really want to go to Guatemala in 2011 (maybe February or March if it all works out) but I don't want to go alone. Will any of my friends be interested in going? I'm not sure.
I was reading City Pages, and I noticed an ad for http://www.eventsandadventures.com/ - it seemed like what I was / am looking for. I checked out the website, sent a request for someone to contact me. They did.
I called them back on Saturday. They require you have an annual income of $20,000, that you don't have a felony and that you're single. Sounds good to me.
I'm not interested in doing anything like match.com - I'm not after a "date" - I'd just like more options when it comes to travel and camping or backpacking on the Superior Hiking Trail, and Washington State - Mount Ranier, lots of options.
First, there was massive confusion about my appointment. I made an appointment for December 1st at 6 p.m. I received an email confirmation on Saturday or Monday verifying that date and time, in black and white. Is this a test? Then Monday evening, someone called me to confirm my appointment for the next day, which would have been Tuesday.
I called back on Tuesday telling them that I had an appointment for Wednesday. They were confused and said, no-it was scheduled for Tuesday. So, then the 6:00 for Wednesday was no longer available. I chose 5:00.
I'm being petty here but what really bugged me was the two voicemails I had saying they were sorry I wasn't able to make it to the Tuesday appointment, implying that I had cancelled when it was their error - Whatever, I know. Maybe this is a personality / psychology test. I don't know. I'm confused.
I was late for the appointment. Traffic was a nightmare. So, when I got to the building, near a closed down Fuddrucker's, I felt bad I was about twenty minutes late. In making my quick assessment of their "facilities". I also recognize that I am a huge marketing sucker and I judge a business by it's cover. The tiny little office with a shoddy furniture and a sad little coffee maker does not scream success and it doesn't scream comfort. It's about appearance when you're trying to sell a membership to someone, and you can get some amazing furniture at Target, Ikea, discount stores, garage sales, you name it- put a little heart into your image.
There were four people in the office - three women and a guy who looked to be about 55.
I apologized for being late. The receptionist started telling me about the paperwork I needed to fill out, the tall blonde lady chit chatted and was friendly, and the third woman went into an office with the man and shut the door.
I sat down to fill things out. The first form asked for basic info - age, income, divorced /single - all boxes to be checked.
Then they had a "strongly agree to strongly disagree" form with bizarre questions, trying to gauge my personality I suppose. Like Myers Briggs, only not as well rounded. Some questions were normal but here is an actual question : "People with herpes deserve it." The answer options were 1 to 5 with 5 being strongly disagree. Is this a joke?
The final form was about things you like, things you'd like to try - predetermined answers ranging from skydiving to the opera.
So, while I was filling out the paperwork, the person I was to meet with was behind closed doors with the man of the group. She was laughing and carrying on so loudly, it was uncomfortable for the other staff. I kept wondering who he was, why was I kept waiting, what was next in the process.
At one point, I wondered if it was actually some kind of psychology test or a "punked" type scenario, where they were waiting to see how I reacted.
The blonde woman, who seemed to be another interviewer, was really nervous about interrupting what was going on behind the closed door. By this point, I had long since filled out the meager paperwork and we were all waiting on my interviewer, who was having a hilarious time behind the mysteriously closed door. I had been waiting for about fifteen minutes. I wasn't bugged by that because I was the one who was late. I thought she was possibly meeting with a potential member, just like me.
But the other interviewer, a couple of times, acted like she was going to knock on the door, but then looked at me for direction on what to do. She questioned me, "Should I knock?" I was sitting there with no idea of how their process works, who's interviewing me - her or the laughing woman (I kid you not- LLLLOOOOOOUUUUDDDDD and shhhhrrrriilllll).
Finally, after she looked at me for direction again, I said "Who is he?" She said, "He's a neighbor from the building, an attorney." Oh, so they're just in there goofing around. It was all making sense to me. She said, "I don't want to interrupt, but you have been waiting for 15 minutes now."
At last, with a burst of courage, she knocked on the door and was invited in. She said, "I'm not sure if you needed this ?" THIS was apparently my paperwork. The interviewer said, "Yes", looked through the partially opened door at me and yelled, "Say your name" because I have an unusual spelling. I said it. She said, "Wow! Never seen it spelled that way before." Then the nervous interviewer walked out of the room, shut the door, and left the two of them in there with my sort of personal information.
About another five minutes passed and the attorney finally came out... leaving it nice and cozy in there for me.
So, the energy between this lady and I was really weird from the get go. Apparently that was when my appointment began. She asked me why I was late. It was awkward because there was an immense lack of information - they seemed to look at me like I knew what to do or what was going on. I didn't. Maybe the phone person didn't prep me enough.
She proceeded to tell me, in fast forward speed, the analysis of my personality - "You like parties but you like to know people there." "It takes you awhile to trust people." I'm not disputing any of what she said, really I don't care if it's accurate or not. She also told me I'm passive aggressive because I agree with someone but go do what I want to do anyway. Does she have me pegged? I don't know but there's something very abrasive about a stranger telling you you're passive aggressive.
She also had a lot of information about my experience as a single mom- that I'm afraid to do nice things for myself, that haven't been ready to start living yet. She used the word play a lot too. "Are you ready to play?"
I found myself becoming increasingly agitated and uncomfortable, but I was trying to see through her presentation (or lack thereof) to the crux of what this group is really about. She showed me a calendar of events.
Some of it is really appealing- there's weekly indoor volleyball on Wednesday nights. There's flag football on Sunday at Van Cleeve park (would it be wrong if I showed up and asked to play innocently on a "walk in the area")? There's trips to Italy, Hawaii, Whistler, and other great options.
The thing is, I can schedule and do these things myself. But what I will give them is that they've done the leg work (sort of) in filtering through people - no felonies, gainfully employed and single. They have maybe, and that's a big maybe, filtered through some of the creeps. I also give them the point that there is always a group ready and willing to do things you might want to do. Like rock climbing? Saturday there's a group of 14 going. You can see how many people have signed up for an event too.
I was really annoyed by her repeated question, "Aren't you ready for your life to begin?" I said, "I'm pretty happy with my life. I was hoping to find a group of people to go camping with and some travel. I don't really need the day to day activities, but I understand the point you're making about having activities available if wanted." Was I being defensive?
This really wasn't a successful interview, especially when she pulled out the laminated sheet about membership. I was really surprised. It is a twelve month membership for $1,995. She slapped it on the table and said, "How much do you want to put down today?" What? Huh? Put down? There was no explanation of monthly withdrawals or what. I still don't know when you would have to come up with the balance of what you put down.
Looking back on my initial conversation on the phone, I see they were rather elusive about membership. But, who wouldn't be? If they said up front, "It's a mere $2,000 per year...." would anyone interview?
When I said I wasn't ready to commit to anything and I'd like to think about it, she started drilling me with why not? what are you afraid of? Why don't you think you deserve this? That one killed me. So, as politely as I could, I said, "I don't like this high pressure sales pitch." She immediately replied, "I'm not pressuring you!" I said "I'll think about it." She said, "Well, when you decide you deserve to do something for yourself, you let me know." I stood up to leave and she started to make small talk about the weather that she thinks is warm because she's from Houston. If only I had a record of the conversation - I forgot to mention that she asked me when I sat down if I minded her accent, blinky blinky (her eyes).
If you ever want to really bug me, tell me what I'm thinking and feeling.
The whole experience leaves me agitated and frustrated. Granted, a big part of it is probably her presentation, and my irritation at being told who I am and what I am doing. Why not ask me some questions? Ask me what I'm looking for and why? Not assumptions and classifications.
I also think paying that much money doesn't make sense for me. I have a good social life and if I get more involved with taking classes and organizing things, I will have even more to do.
I'm taking a class at Mercury Mosaics as an example. If you receive the groupon email, you'll know that they recently had a half price coupon for a class. Check out their website at http://www.mercurymosaics.com/. They're located in NE. And sign up for groupon while you're at it. Some of the deals are fabulous.. or fabuless because they save you money.
Someday I'll refine my story of my experience at Events and Adventures.... and I'll sell it.... or I'll use it to help them with their marketing strategy or their training of their associates. Their marketing and sales approach are disasters... or she was a disaster. I would have to do more research to compare tactics and personalities.
Or, I'll start my own group specific to Minneapolis with all sorts of activities like pottery classes, child care, on and on. Is this my calling? Will I someday have Events and Adventures to thank for my business success?
I'm a critic, what can I say. But I'm not apologizing. She could have taken a whole different approach. Her sales pitch simply did not work for me.
Here's the wonderful lesson I take away from tonight - I'm doing pretty well and I can be more proactive in organizing things and finding people who are interested in what I am. It's simple. Joining Events and Adventures would sort of be like using a travel agent to book a vacation for you, rather than orbitz or sherman's travel. I just don't need it... and for $1995, I can go to Guatemala and then some!
On another note - a big moment to think about Rosa Parks. Google did a nice tribute.
www.latimesblogs.latimes.com/2010/12-google-doodles-go-mobile.html - not sure how long that link will be good for. But, she is an inspirational icon in standing up for what we know is right.
Thanks for reading - a toast to our own events and adventures. We're responsible for our happiness, after all.
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